A thrill of hope - Christmas Eve

Since I can remember, I’ve deeply loved Christmas Eve, especially after everyone has gone to bed, and the house is quiet. Many Christmas Eves have found me listening to Christmas carols at the foot of a lighted Christmas tree. A quiet, holy blanket settles on my soul at this time – reminding me that in Jesus my every need, known and unknown, felt and yet unfelt, is fully met. 

This Christmas Eve is no different. The family has all gone to bed (as a matter of fact, Mia, our large dog, has settled herself onto my side of the bed…) – and I am here, soaking in the precious and wondrous truth that the God who set life in motion, who is still expanding the universe, reached out for me. 

Over the past couple of days, I've been pondering Isaiah 8 & 9. The second half of chapter 8 establishes that when we are not grounded in God, we are lost: in darkness, distress, despair, even cursing God, and seeing nothing good in heaven or earth. Then comes chapter 9: "Nevertheless.." I love how often God's word pivots on a word, and this time, it's nevertheless. Even though we were far, even though we said "No," even though we had declared ourselves His enemies - He said 'Nevertheless' and sends His Son, the Child, the Light, the Answer that we all so desperately need - whether we know it or not. And He is all: Counselor, Father, God, Prince of Peace.

Let me share what I hear with you, the words of one of my favourite Christmas carols, "O Holy Night": 

"Long lay the world in sin and error pining, 

Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope. The weary world rejoices.

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees. O hear the angel voices..."

And those voices resounded with "Good news of Great Joy that will be for all the people..." (Luke 2:10)

It's been a while...

"Moses returned to the Lord and said, 'O Lord, why have you brought trouble upon this people...and you have not rescued your people at all.'" (Exodus 5:22-23)

How often I have brought a similar charge to lay at God's feet, verbalized or silently. When circumstances get to the point where I feel like I am in far beyond my ability, when relationships are challenging or stale, when long-standing situations seem stagnant - then I accuse God, like a petulant child.

What I do not do is wait - trustingly wait. Believe and watch.

God answers Moses, not with a rebuke but with an affirmation of his own character, "I am the Lord." He bookends his reply to Moses with the assertion of who he is, because He is the reason we can believe, we can trust and we will see his deliverance. Even when Moses reminded the Israelites of God's character, "they did not listen because of their discouragement and cruel bondage" (6:9); that did not deter God.

My moments of discouragement do not discourage God - He reminds me to lift my eyes to his unchangeable self and to still and quiet my soul "like a weaned child with its mother" (Psalm 131:2). For He does not change - He is.

Thank you, Father.

An encouragement

Yesterday at church the pastor shared some wonderful truth from God's word that I have been pondering...

2 Peter 1:4 "Through these [His glory and goodness] He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature..."

I have to go now, but I'd like to share more here later.

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder if you are doing the right thing?

Do you ever wonder if homeschooling is the best thing for your kids?

Do you ever wonder if you are the best teacher for your kids?

Do you ever wonder if this is really what God wants you to be doing?

Do you ever wonder how you got here? And where here is?

I do.

Help me, Lord, to see. And hear.

Worry

It comes in at odd times. Some mornings it slinks into my waking thoughts, whispering in my heart's ear. Some nights it trumpets me awake with crashing and crushing thoughts. When there are unexpected late returns or illness, it teases my imagination into fearful possibilities.

But I have a choice. Like my grandmother used to say, "You can't stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from making a nest in your hair." Those fleeting thoughts of worry, of doubt, the temptation to mistrust my Heavenly Father will come - but I do not have to invite them in for a cup of tea. I can, and I must, turn to my Father and put my hand in His and put my trust in His unfailing love.

I must rehearse again and again all the ways He has met our needs, and so often our desires, with faithfulness and abundance. And I must go beyond my own experiences too, to His unchanging promises. So I have to remind myself of what He has said.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in Me." John 14:1

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns; and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:25-26

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6

For He is good. And He does not change.

How can I?

This is my question for the day (and most likely 'days').

How can I, like our first mother Eve, be a bringer of life? In this place, at this time, to this husband, to these children, to these neighbours, to these friends - how can I follow in the footsteps of Him Who is the Life?

Words, words, words

If you were a fly on the wall at my house lately you might have heard me quietly singing (muttering) to myself: "Words, words, words I'm so sick of words. I hear words all day long first from him now from you."

(Envision an impassioned Audrey Hepburn in "My Fair Lady" if you are wondering where that random phrase comes from.)

But really, it is my own words I am feeling sick of. Sometimes I get lost in my own words - and I wonder how much good I am really doing for my children with all these words. Are they drowning in the torrent of my words? Sometimes they get that glazed over look which is the warning light - I've lost them.

I have been made aware of by friends over the years that I restate things, oh, a few too many times. (And my husband agrees.) It is part of my search for just the right words... but there is only one truly right Word. Jesus. He is the Word my children need - that I need. It is His Spirit who must breathe life into my words if there is to be lasting benefit from my many failing words.

Maybe my words need to be fewer so my children can hear Him better.

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." (Colossians 3:16)

"For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45)

May I be filled with Your Words so that I speak life to my children - to all whose lives I touch.

Mother's Day - a reflection

Motherhood.

I am not a Hallmark card kind of mother. No painted fingernails, just nibbled ones. I don't think I am one of those people for whom motherhood comes naturally for that matter.

What is motherood really about?

Discipleship.

A one foot ahead of the other following of Jesus into servanthood. In motherhood Jesus gives me the opportunity (sometimes it feels like every minute) to deny myself, take up a cross and follow Him. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying my children are a burden. I think it is my own selfish nature that is the burden. My children are one of God's graces to me.

Thank you Lord for the gift of being a mother.

Slow down

I have just put the boys to bed.

It is often at these moments that I glimpse what is vitally important

a slow tasting of time with them.

Sometimes I believe I am too busy to slow even then - there's the dishes to do, the rooms to be tidied, the laundry to be put away, there's the... and the .... and the... and the list goes on.

To slow down, to take the time to really see and to truly listen - that is my privilege as a mother. It is my privilege to see how their hearts are growing. To listen to their stories.

But, oh, how rarely do I really do that.

There is always the next thing to be done -

usually something that feels terribly urgent, but is not vital.

At least not in God's economy.

As their breathing slows, I take the time to breathe. Relishing the very breath that God has given me. Reminding myself how very dependent I am on the Breath of Life - the God of heaven and earth.

Thank You, dearest Father - for bedtime.

For all the precious reminders to slow down. And live.

Another Monday

73. a waking glimpse of blue sky and sunshine

74. mist draped hills - beauty surrounding us

75. a roof that keeps out the rain

76. sweet words from my sleepy boy

77. hearing S reading aloud and enjoying it

78. a soft bed

79. sleep - the restfulness of closing my eyes

80. meeting a new friend, who has the mark of a kindred heart about her

81. the caress of a gentle wind - reminding me that Your Spirit is all around me

82. This day...

Yes, this day - whatever it may hold is a gift from You, Father. Thank You.

Please help me to abide in You this day.

To draw from no other source but You.

Please gently remind me when my heart goes elsewhere.

Help me to be ready... with joyful gratitude.

To Begin

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name."

Psalm 100:4

It has been a while since I have been here to write out my thankfulness for His gifts. I have so very much to give thanks for - how amazing it is that our God reminds us to enter His presence with thanks. My Father knows. He knows that without being reminded I would come to Him in so many other attitudes: shamed, burdened, bothered, rushed, apathetic. Choosing thankfulness lifts my eyes to my Father's - thank You. Through thankfulness I am humbled by His goodness to this beloved piece of dust. Perspective is righted. Thank you.

This day, I thank You!

Your Word which speaks life to my heart

Your Spirit Who breathes life

Your Son Who is the Life

Yourself, my Father, my God, the Source

This day

Morning has come. The activity has begun.

I need more time.

Actually, all I really need is You. And You will meet me in the midst of it all - is that why You created the eye of the storm. To remind us that there is a place of peace even in the midst of chaos?

Help me to see Your fingerprints on my day. Help me to hear Your voice above and in the 'boy' noise.

Rain

I looked out the window this morning at the sunlight covering the trees, wet with early morning rain. Through the fading hazes, settled drops of rain flashed with the sunlight. The colours were sharper and clearer to my eyes. The world looked clean, fresh, renewed. It reminded me of grace.

Grace. Such a deep word, such an eternal word.

Grace is like the rain rinsing me clean of the muck of sin and dusty soul dryness.

Grace is like the sun purifying, warming, lightening, revealing.

Grace creates diamonds out of raindrops.

How I need to be cleansed by grace's rain. To stand dripping and shining in grace.

I could spend hours perusing the web and dropping in on other's blogs and trying to feed off others' revelations rather than seeking The Revelation. It is easier to read the journeys of others than to put my feet of faith forward. There is little risk in clicking on one hyperlink to another.

Now don't get me wrong, I glean much from those whose writings I read, whose journeys I drop in on. But I cannot stop there.

I dare not.

And all too often I do.

I must come to Him myself for Himself. This blog is a footfall of my journey. An action I must take to go forward, to learn, to grow, to be transformed.

Oh, Lord, open my eyes this day to see you in all things.

Orderly or not. Simple or not. Quiet or not.

Thank you for Your presence.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength"

Isaiah 30:15

Faith

An old pain.

A sad longing buried beneath the pile of daily days.

I miss my face.

I forget that my smile is crooked - that one eye presses closed when I laugh.

Then I explain it and a boy kindly says, "Is that why you don't smile on that side? I didn't want to ask because I thought it might be rude." His words remind me that I am not as my mind's eye remembers. I still grieve the loss of my smile.

We talked about it on the way home and Sam asked, "Mum, do you think you'll ever get better?" I wanted to say I don't know, because I don't. But, I want to speak faith. Faith in my Father who spoke Job 33* to Vince in the early days of my loss. So, I grit my teeth against the doubt and answer, "Yes, Sam, I do."

Is that faith that grits its teeth in the face of the seen?

I don't want this sadness to turn to self-pity - that vile, life-sucking vortex. As I reminded Vince, this loss is only skin deep.

* Job 33:23-26 "Yet if there is an angel at their side,

a messenger, one out of a thousand, sent to tell them how to be upright,

and he is gracious to that person and says to God,

‘Spare them from going down to the pit; I have found a ransom for them—
let their flesh be renewed like a child’s; let them be restored as in the days of their youth’—
then that person can pray to God and find favor with him, they will see God’s face and shout for joy; he will restore them to full well-being."