Two words

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is medicine for my weary heart. I know I have so very much to be thankful for. Please forgive me for losing sight and growing weary of the journey. How I need You!

I read this post (The Beauty Challenge: Because God’s Everywhere) by Ann Voskamp at Holy Experience today.

-- Thank you Lord for Your daughters who are faithful to hold out the word of life to others.

Monday - another beginning

60. for Ann Voskamp and the Voskamp family: for their kind generosity to freely share their Jesse Tree Advent book - to help others of us anticipate the coming of Jesus

61. warm sun

62. the protection of our Father

63. God's healing hands

64. a God and Father Who hears us

65. his earnest eyes

66. the sun fraying the rain clouds

67. a glimpse of grace

68. raindrops to diamonds

69. his thoughtfulness

70. a mother and her husband who will travel over oceans to be with us, to help with dinner, to hang out wash, to wash dishes, to take the boys to the park - just to do life with us.

71. a warm cuppa tea in the morning

72. the restful silence of early morning before the activity of life begins

For these few gifts and a thousand more I did not recognise - Thank You Father.

This day

Morning has come. The activity has begun.

I need more time.

Actually, all I really need is You. And You will meet me in the midst of it all - is that why You created the eye of the storm. To remind us that there is a place of peace even in the midst of chaos?

Help me to see Your fingerprints on my day. Help me to hear Your voice above and in the 'boy' noise.

Rain

I looked out the window this morning at the sunlight covering the trees, wet with early morning rain. Through the fading hazes, settled drops of rain flashed with the sunlight. The colours were sharper and clearer to my eyes. The world looked clean, fresh, renewed. It reminded me of grace.

Grace. Such a deep word, such an eternal word.

Grace is like the rain rinsing me clean of the muck of sin and dusty soul dryness.

Grace is like the sun purifying, warming, lightening, revealing.

Grace creates diamonds out of raindrops.

How I need to be cleansed by grace's rain. To stand dripping and shining in grace.

49. little guy coming into my bedroom, arms laden with all his stuffed animals, to share his favourites with me.

50. a wonderful birthday video from B.

51. that God has set the boundary lines for me in pleasant places (Psalm 16:6)

52. my tender hearted boy

53. my little firecracker

54. my boy of determination

55. the release of tears

56. a big field for boys to run and adventure

57. the sound of rain on a tin roof

58. a cat curled warm on my lap

59. this breath, this moment, this day... Thank You Father.

I could spend hours perusing the web and dropping in on other's blogs and trying to feed off others' revelations rather than seeking The Revelation. It is easier to read the journeys of others than to put my feet of faith forward. There is little risk in clicking on one hyperlink to another.

Now don't get me wrong, I glean much from those whose writings I read, whose journeys I drop in on. But I cannot stop there.

I dare not.

And all too often I do.

I must come to Him myself for Himself. This blog is a footfall of my journey. An action I must take to go forward, to learn, to grow, to be transformed.

Oh, Lord, open my eyes this day to see you in all things.

Orderly or not. Simple or not. Quiet or not.

Thank you for Your presence.

"In repentance and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength"

Isaiah 30:15

Faith

An old pain.

A sad longing buried beneath the pile of daily days.

I miss my face.

I forget that my smile is crooked - that one eye presses closed when I laugh.

Then I explain it and a boy kindly says, "Is that why you don't smile on that side? I didn't want to ask because I thought it might be rude." His words remind me that I am not as my mind's eye remembers. I still grieve the loss of my smile.

We talked about it on the way home and Sam asked, "Mum, do you think you'll ever get better?" I wanted to say I don't know, because I don't. But, I want to speak faith. Faith in my Father who spoke Job 33* to Vince in the early days of my loss. So, I grit my teeth against the doubt and answer, "Yes, Sam, I do."

Is that faith that grits its teeth in the face of the seen?

I don't want this sadness to turn to self-pity - that vile, life-sucking vortex. As I reminded Vince, this loss is only skin deep.

* Job 33:23-26 "Yet if there is an angel at their side,

a messenger, one out of a thousand, sent to tell them how to be upright,

and he is gracious to that person and says to God,

‘Spare them from going down to the pit; I have found a ransom for them—
let their flesh be renewed like a child’s; let them be restored as in the days of their youth’—
then that person can pray to God and find favor with him, they will see God’s face and shout for joy; he will restore them to full well-being."

Thank you Father for ...

44. a bold pink wildflower that escaped the goats' voracity

45. a dishwasher

46. the dishes in the sink that stand to show that my children can eat three meals a day

47. a surprise birthday party

48. the thoughtfulness of friends

from "Dancing with My Father" by Sally Clarkson:

"joy would be my goal, that I would look everywhere I go for God's touch, his shadow, his signature" (p. 12)

"His joy...it is wrapped up in him as my heavenly Father, that he is the Initiator, the Provider, the Lover, the Strong One." (p. 13)

"Joy is found in the presence of God in the midst of all circumstances, in delighting in the life he has given." (p. 39)

I can rejoice - I can live in joy because of Him. He does not change. These quotes remind me of another thing the Lord has been gently reminding me of lately. He has assigned me my portion and my cup... The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places... (Psalm 16:5,6)

Joy, just like thankfulness is available to me if I will but choose to turn my eyes and heart to Him. If I will obey and 'give thanks in all circumstances' (I Thessalonians 5:18). If I will choose to see Him, to hear His voice, to recognize His fingerprints in the circumstances of my day.

So much more

As I lay here on my bed and I look back at what I have written down for the past week - Thank You Father for so much that I didn't see...

33. this quiet moment

34. boys

35. the soothing touch of a cool morning breeze

36. the nearness of God

37. a body that can move, work and play

38. a faithful husband

39. the earnest prayer of a 6 year old

40. a gesture of grace from a hurt brother to the other - a reminder that God's seed is growing in their hearts

41. the dark silhouette of a tree on a dusky sky

42. good neighbours

43. watching the boys work together in happy unison

Help me to see more.

Friction

I get tired of the brotherly friction. I get so aware of it that I fear it is all I hear and see. Sometimes I think it takes a dozen kind interactions between them to strip away the rust of the ungenerous ones from my senses. But when I get weary my reaction is to withdraw, to get frustrated, to lay my head down and sigh -- but I have got to be more. I am the mother. And He promises that He will allow rivers of living water to flow through me if I do not dam it up with my own selfish reactions. I need to draw from He Who is the Source of peace and wisdom.

O Lord, help me to allow your living waters of peace to flow through me to my boys.

Seeing His Hand

"God made the world for the delight of human beings-- if we could see His goodness everywhere, His concern for us, His awareness of our needs: the phone call we've waited for, the ride we are offered, the letter in the mail, just the little things He does for us throughout the day. As we remember and notice His love for us, we just begin to fall in love with Him because He is so busy with us -- you just can't resist Him. I believe there's no such thing as luck in life, it's God's love, it's His."

— Mother Teresa (A Simple Path: Mother Teresa)

Frangipani

I have been looking out at this tree since we moved into this house three months ago. It has looked d-e-a-d, dead. I had often gazed at it regretfully, thinking how sad it was that such a big frangipani tree was lifeless and how beautiful the flowers would have been.

And then about a week ago I noticed green leaves pushing their way free of the craggly brownness. Today, I saw the first flowers - those beautiful, fragrant frangipanis.

Oh, how our God loves to bring life from seeming death. He is truly a God "who calls things that are not as though they are" (Romans 4:17).

As I looked at the beginning greenness, the Lord reminded me how He is in charge of bringing life in its season, and sometimes to my eyes all I see is dryness and cracking grey-brown skin, but there is life pulsing under the surface.

Thank you, my precious Father.

Storms

Here's the picture: Jesus has told His disciples that it is time to get in a boat and go to the other side. They all pile in the boat, Jesus lays down in the boat and goes to sleep. His disciples were probably pretty glad He did. They knew the demands the people (not to mention themselves) put on Jesus. They probably felt like I do when my husband gets a morning to sleep in, I sneak around trying to keep the boys quiet so he can rest.

And then, the storm hits - not just a few raindrops but a "furious squall". So the disciples wake the resting Jesus with "Don't you care if we drown?!?!" Jesus gets up speaks to the wind and the waves and immediately they stop. Order and peace are restored.

As I read this at bedtime to the boys, the Lord spoke to my heart. How often do the storms break in on my life (storms, read: whining children, messes, things not happening according to my timetable, bickering brothers, hurt feelings, the press of a long to-do list, and more...) and I react with a "Lord, don't you care?!?" But Jesus is there, present, in the boat, in the storm; so why should I doubt His care? Now I don't think Jesus minded being woken up (unlike me), but I think it was the way in which the disciples woke Him. I think He wanted them to wake Him, for only He could calm the storm and the waves which were breaking over the boat. But not with an accusation, but with a trusting request.

That night the Lord reminded me that He is my source for all that I need to calm the storms in my life, that He is willing to do that because He is the Lord. But it is all in the way I ask.

Thanks...

27. to lie down and sleep in peace ...

28. ... in a soft, warm, safe bed

29. Friends

30. challenging situations that remind me to pray, trust and lean on Jesus.

31. His Word

32. precious hands bearing flowers

Monday

Sunday night found me wondering why? Monday morning found me wondering how? Now I am wondering what Tuesday will bring.

Ah. But one thing I do know - it will bring more gifts from my Father.

21. a kitchen window that looks out on a green paddock and grazing goats

22. little boys' drawings in my notebooks

23. a child hand slipping into mine

24. fresh cool morning air

25. revelations glimpsed in ordinary moments

26. eyes that can see and feast on colour

Thank you, Lord. More, please may I see more.

a Shoebox

We spent the day today shopping for gifts to fill our shoeboxes. I want the boys to know (I want to remember) how exceptionally blessed we are. How much we have.

This year we are participating in Operation Christmas Child by Samaritan's Purse. We'd filled shoeboxes a couple of years back, but I wasn't sure if the boys remembered. So, I showed them a couple of YouTube clips about Operation Christmas Child - it was great. I think the videos really brought the idea alive to the boys (and me).

It has been precious to me to hear them praying for the boys who will receive their gifts. It feels like such a small step in guiding them to look beyond themselves, but it is a step. And we move step-by-step.

We spent an afternoon shopping to fill the boxes. I delighted to see how excited the boys were to get things for someone else. One of the most memorable moments was after they had each drawn a picture to include, B asked me; "Mum, do you think he'll like my picture?" He'd put his heart into it.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be with my boys.

More and more

13. warm sunshine after the rain,

14. running water,

15. sisters, nieces, nephews, parents, brothers - family,

16. suiting them up and sending the three of them off on an adventure,

17. laughter,

18. the prayer of a husband as he leaves for work,

19. the creative menagerie of morning bird calls,

20. an orderly day,

"Wait and See"

I woke up with this song in my mind and heart.

"There is hope for me yet,

because God won't forget all the plans He's made for me.

I have to wait and see.

He's not finished with me yet.

He's not finished with me yet.

Still wondering why I'm here.

Still wrestling with my fear.

But, oh, He's up to something.

and the farther on I go, I've seen enough to know that I'm not here for nothing,

He's up to something"

by Brandon Heath

How glad I am that this is true. He is not finished with me yet.

Knowing this lends me patience with myself. It gives me grace to deal more kindly with the hearts God has entrusted to me.

This morning

Here I am.

It is what I have. The here, the now. The yesterdays are done. The tomorrows are beyond my control. God has given me the now.

Last night I was wishing I was good at something. I mean really good, but I'm not. I am me. I don't have great talents, great wealth, great time, great ideas to present to the King. Just me. And this is probably His mercy, because knowing me I would try to earn His love, find my worthiness in the things I do, my filthy rags, rather than humbly take His hand.

So, this day, this moment - here I am. A beloved piece of dust.

A beginning

Here I am.

I am joining the Gratitude Community (thank you , Ann) today. I've been reading from the sidelines for a while now. The Father has been urging me toward the habit of gratitude and toward writing for a long while now. Too long.

1. I am thankful for a patient God of grace who draws me near.

In the midst of the daily days it is so easy to lose sight of His fingerprints. They're everywhere. I look forward to waking up to seeing, hearing and tasting His goodness in new ways.

2. quiet mornings

3. a warm cup of tea between cool hands

4. overflowing tanks

5. a man who loves me

6. the colour green filling my kitchen window

7. living in a land not at war

8. the soft comfort of a cat's fur

9. a boy who doesn't give up on me even when I am cranky

10. this breath . . .

11. goodnight kisses

12. being alive with this man and these boys

In these moments I choose to say 'Thank You, Father.' May I learn to say this in all moments.

Here I am.